It’s been almost 11 years since I became a mother. I had my daughter on July 26, 2005. My situation wasn’t ideal, I was young, not married, and pretty immature, but I made the decision to have and keep my baby. The truth was that I had no idea what I was doing or how it would turn out and that was scary. But I just knew deep inside myself, that this was what I needed to do. So I went for it.
I’ll never forget the day I went into labor. I had no clue what labor was going to look like because I prepared in no way. I just showed up for a check up and the lady said, “it’s time to have a baby”. I remember being nervous and thinking I couldn’t have the baby yet because my mom hadn’t arrived. But it was time and nothing was going to stop it. I remember feeling so sad, probably the most sad and alone I had ever felt in my life. But the show went on.
I labored for a long time. The hours seemed so long. Not because of pain, because I took the pain meds as soon as they were offered, but because of vulnerability. I laid in this bed, the most vulnerable both physically and emotionally, alone. No one that I loved by my side, coaching me, holding my hand, keeping me covered, etc. But after many hours she finally arrived. My little 8lbs baby. I would like to tell you that the moment was beautiful and that it was all worth it after but I didn’t feel that. It changed my life yes, but that moment didn’t become beautiful to me until today. Almost 11 years later.
Today, I had the privilege of being with a friend during her labor and birth. Her situation was similar to mine so I felt a connection with her. I knew from the moment I first met her that God was doing something. I was so happy to help her today. She was a champ! It went by so fast and I was so happy to be apart of it. But it wasn’t until I left that it hit me, I had just relived my own experience, but this time someone was there. I was there. I held her hand. I helped her breathe. I rubbed her back. I loved on her during one of the most difficult and vulnerable times in her life. I did for her what I had longed for someone to do to me 10 years prior. In that split second I knew. It was so clear. I had to go through my situation so that I could be ready. I needed to experience that sense of loneliness and hurt so that my heart would be sensitive to my friend. So that I could be all those things for her and more, not out of obligation but out of love.
I cried. I sat in my car crying. God hadn’t forgotten me on July 26, 2005. He knew what he was doing and today I got to see it first hand. I got to feel how real he is. God doesn’t make mistake. He’s constantly at work in our lives and today I got to see and feel that. See and feel his goodness. He worked something together for my good today and my heart is so humbled. Today, it became all worth it❤️